(Author's Note: This is Part V of the Church Hurt Series. If you haven't already, please read Part IV here.)
As previously mentioned, church hurt is more than just a buzzword; it signifies a profound pain that reflects overwhelming darkness. While churches are called to embody the teachings of Jesus, they often fall short due to sin and brokenness, resulting in deep anguish and suffering—pains that are frequently ignored or “swept under the rug.”
In this article, I would like to share some pastoral words of encouragement from six anonymous pastor-friends representing various Hmong, Korean, American, and multicultural churches, along with my reflections on their insights.
Anonymous Pastoral Words of Encouragement
Pastor 1
Take your time—don't let anyone pressure you to rush your healing. Don’t allow others to minimize your pain. Seek a community that will support you without judging the scars you carry.
Pastor 2
The pain caused by the church is real, and your feelings are valid. I encourage you to be open and, when ready, approach those who have hurt you to seek reconciliation. Forgive others just as the Father has forgiven you.
Pastor 3
Unfortunately, church hurt is real and happens all too often. Few things are more painful than experiencing spiritual abuse and betrayal within a community called to love and care for your soul. While I don’t want to downplay your pain, I want to remind you that we serve a God who has also endured abandonment, abuse, and betrayal—far beyond what we can comprehend. He understands your suffering and grieves with you when injustice and abuse occur within His body. He is with you in the midst of your pain, and there is healing available.
The enemy will try to use this hurt to sow division within the church and turn people away from Christ. He will use church hurt to isolate you from God and the Christian community. But our God is able and willing to turn what the enemy meant for evil into a catalyst for healing and a testimony to others.
While I would never advise anyone to stay in a spiritually abusive church unwilling to pursue true reconciliation, it's important to remember that there is no substitute for the local church. We are called to commit ourselves to a healthy body of believers. Contend for unity within the church, and remain steadfast through difficulties.
If necessary, find a new, biblically sound church, and seek biblical counseling to help you grieve, heal, and forgive those who have hurt you.
Pastor 4
Process your pain, forgive the church, and heal—but don’t go through it alone. Even though it’s “church hurt,” God still calls us to be part of His body and to walk with His people. Seek healing within the community He’s placed you in, or find a healthy one where you can grow and heal together.
Pastor 5
There is healing—Jesus heals in every way. While relationships may have caused the brokenness, it’s through relationships that healing can be found. Surround yourself with those who uplift you, and let God use those connections to restore and renew you.
Pastor 6
Be faithful! God sees you. If you're a ministry leader who has experienced church hurt, remember that it’s okay to step away from ministry at times. Your spiritual health matters, and sometimes you need space to focus on it. (That doesn’t mean to stop attending a local church. Church is still important.) Pastors often forget that they, too, need to be poured into and refreshed. Prioritize your well-being so you can serve from a place of strength.
Fostering a Healthier Church Environment
As I reflect on these pastoral words of encouragement to those who have been deeply hurt by the church, a thought comes to mind: one misplaced word at church does more damage than anywhere else. This is why we need a culture of love, grace, and forgiveness. These qualities are not simply "Christian values"; they are the natural expression of someone who loves, exalts, and believes in Christ. These qualities flow within the believer who is filled with the Holy Spirit. It is contradictory to claim to love Christ while harboring hate for one's own brother or sister within the church (1 John 4:20).
Church, we have seen and heard stories of church hurt. It is not foreign to just one particular church; it is everywhere. Church members are forced to endure torment in silence, while pastors face disgrace and struggle to muster up strength for the next Sunday. Is this what the church was meant to be? Is this what Christ had envisioned?
Church Hurt & Biblical Accountability
We, as the Church, need to openly address church hurt. Speaking about church hurt isn’t about shaming or gossiping; while it may sometimes lead to that, it is not the godly approach that Christians are called to take when confronting sin within the church. Discussing church hurt should be a means of biblical accountability for both pastors and congregants. What does Scripture have to say?
“If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother. But if he does not listen, take one or two others along with you, that every charge may be established by the evidence of two or three witnesses. If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church. And if he refuses to listen even to the church, let him be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector” (Matthew 18:15-17).
"Brothers, if anyone is caught in any transgression, you who are spiritual should restore him in a spirit of gentleness. Keep watch on yourself, lest you too be tempted” (Galatians 6:1).
“If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness” (1 John 1:9).
“But now I am writing to you not to associate with anyone who bears the name of brother if he is guilty of sexual immorality or greed, or is an idolater, reviler, drunkard, or swindler—not even to eat with such a one. For what have I to do with judging outsiders? Is it not those inside the church whom you are to judge? God judges those outside. ‘Purge the evil person from among you’” (1 Corinthians 5:11-13).
The Purity of the Church Is At Stake
Biblical accountability ensures the purity of the church, and this purity is crucial; it is what truly matters. A church that lacks purity cannot effectively reflect Christ.
False doctrine leads to reckless living. Reckless living results in broken relationships. Broken relationships cause emotional pain and a loss of trust. This spiritual stagnation becomes inevitable, creating a lack of accountability and ultimately diminishing the church's witness to the world.
The need for sound doctrine and personal accountability in building healthy, Christ-centered relationships in the church becomes obvious when there’s a lack of biblical accountability, leading to confusion and dysfunction within the church. How ironic would it be that the Body of Christ, designed to reflect Christ’s compassion, causes greater anguish than the world outside?
We are called to so much more than that, Church. Live on earth as it is in Heaven. Be a witness—a Christ-reflecting witness. To your brother. To your sister. To your pastor. To the world. Don’t misrepresent Jesus to others.
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