Anxiety is pounding at the door of my heart. Restless thoughts await me in the bed of night. The worries of this world alarm the deep of my soul in the morning. For all my days, I am hopeless. I am doubtful. And even maybe, I am utterly depressed.
The pain, sometimes, is too much to bear. It seems far too immeasurable to even comprehend. And sometimes, I wonder if this heartache will ever go away.
How do I surrender things that are out of my control and learn to trust in You, God?
This has been a question I’ve been wrestling with for weeks and months. I’ve talked to pastors, mentors, and friends about the experiences of heartache that I have. Almost all of them said they have never experienced what I had experienced before. Almost all of them said they have never felt what I had felt before. Honestly—although, it wasn’t their fault—hearing these things made me feel like I was even more alone because I felt like I had no one who could sympathize with me in all my suffering. I felt like no one could understand me and my pain.
I Couldn’t Bear My Sufferings
I felt like I couldn't catch a break at all because it was trial after trial after trial. It seemed like I couldn't live my life without something always coming up. The suffering was far too much to bear for me, and I couldn't take it anymore. I asked the Lord to take my life away. I wanted to die. I really wanted to die.
Here’s the thing, too. I knew all the Christian answers that most professing Christians might throw at me for feeling this way. I knew that I was supposed to "trust in Jesus." I knew that I was supposed to "have more faith." But I also knew that, because of my faith being sealed by the Holy Spirit, I wanted to depart and be with God because that was far greater than the sufferings of this world, just like Elijah and Paul had wanted (1 Kings 19:4; Philippians 1:22-23).
However, I had to remember that it isn’t God’s will for me to choose to stay in my feelings of despair and hopelessness. It isn’t God’s desire for me to be stuck in the past, dwelling on my wavering emotions and thinking about what should’ve happened instead. It most definitely isn’t in God’s pleasure to see me in my suffering or to even die.
He Has Good Plans
In my fleshly instinct, I wanted to bicker and complain to the Lord about why He would allow such things to happen to me. In anticipation of setting my hopes high, I constantly monitored what I couldn’t control. In my wavering emotions, I fed myself with songs that affected my mental health for the worse.
Maybe, right now, you are struggling to trust in God because of your heartache, too. Maybe you’re replaying the hurtful words someone said to you in your head. Maybe you’re constantly imagining what life would look like if your loved one was still alive today. Maybe you're questioning if you shouldn’t have made the commitment in the first place before everything fell apart. And even maybe you’re choosing to stay in your hurt to flesh out all of your thoughts and emotions for long periods of time.
The truth is, these things will only keep us in what I like to call the “gloominess of life.” They aren’t helpful; they’re rather destructive. While we should process and express how we feel in times like these, we shouldn’t linger in our emotions and feelings, lest the Enemy uses such means to bring about discouraging (and even harmful) thoughts. You must hold such thoughts and emotions captive to Christ. Bring your sufferings to Christ and have a high perspective of such heartaches by setting your gaze on the unseen where the promises of Christ are yours today. No amount of suffering could ever compare to the glory you have ahead in Jesus.
Let me remind you of such truths about God while you might be in your suffering. He is near you (Psalm 34:18). He hears your cries (Psalm 18:6). He understands you (John 11:33-35). He gives you peace (John 16:33). He is for you (Romans 8:31). He loves you (Romans 8:38-39). He comforts you (2 Corinthians 7:6). He sustains you (Psalm 55:22). He values you (Matthew 10:31). He saves you (John 10:28-30).
You must remember that God’s not done with you, yet (Philippians 1:6). Though you might not see what He is doing right now, He is working all of these things for your good (Romans 8:28). Our good God has good plans for you. His heavenly promises await you. His peace that surpasses all understanding is available to you when you place your trust in Him during these times of uncertainty. It is even in our uncertainty that we can have certainty in God.
God does not play dice with your sufferings. Everything that came to pass in your life has a purpose simply because God is in control. The sufficient grace of God will sustain you, just as it did for Elijah with his depression and Paul with his thorn. Keep persevering and count it joy, for the testing of your faith will produce even more steadfastness in the Lord (James 1:2-4). Depend on Him. Abide in Him.
Knowing that He has good plans for you, how can you surrender to the Lord the things you cannot control and trust in Him today? What should you do? What must you do?
Praise Him and Sing to His Name
God hasn’t abandoned you in the past when you encountered trials like these. God hasn’t brought you this far to abandon you. God is still with you in your heartache. God will provide a breakthrough far greater than you can imagine.
Bring to your remembrance past deliverances and provisions. Bring to your remembrance Christ’s love for you on the cross. Bring to your remembrance how He came through for you when you had a trial like this and didn’t think you’d make it.
Remember these things and praise Him—not only for what He’s done but also for who He is. Again, He is your Comforter; He is your Wonderful Counselor; He is your Sustainer; He is your Savior. Sing praise to His name.
Cast Your Anxieties on Him
Surrender your thoughts, feelings, and emotions to Him. Linger no more in such things by watching what you intentionally feed yourself. The kind of music you listen to matters because it affects you emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. For example, if you are trying to heal from a breakup, it would be wise to not listen to so many heartbreak songs.
While these songs excellently express what we aren’t able to fully put into words ourselves, it isn’t healthy for us to dwell on the full extent of our feelings and emotions through such means. Trust me—I know because I am guilty of this. We must move forward and exchange our sorrows for His joy through the reception of His Word and prayer.
What have you been listening to? Have you been confiding in unhealthy songs? Have you been confiding in worldly wisdom? Confide in the Lord who cares for you, and let Him know your heartaches by praying to Him in your vulnerability (1 Peter 5:7). He understands you better than the heartbreak songs you’ve been listening to. He gives you something that heartbreak songs can’t; He gives you peace!
Live in Communion with Other Believers
Suffering may prompt us to live in complete isolation, but we must remember that we are not called to be isolated beings. Even in our heartaches, our brothers and sisters in Christ will weep with us who weep (Romans 12:15). Be in constant fellowship with other believers so that they can spur you on in the encouragement of Christ to keep you firm in your faith (Hebrews 3:13). Have others point you to Christ when you cannot do so for yourself, especially in these vulnerable times.
I’ve also realized that, in my heartache, my mind isn’t as sober as I’d like it to be sometimes. I might not make the wisest decisions because I am so greatly influenced by the whims of my feelings and emotions. Other believers can provide godly guidance as you navigate your life in this season of heartache.
Their very presence can also be a comfort to you, reminding you that you are not alone or abandoned. They are willing to suffer with you even if it seems like they might not be able to fully sympathize. I’ve come to acknowledge that, although they might not be able to sympathize with me in my sufferings, they have the Spirit who is able.
Dare Anxiety Come
Should anxiety bang at the door of my heart, should restless thoughts intrude my night, should my worries interrupt my waking breath… I will choose to trust in God and rest in His peace because I know He has good plans for me. I will praise His name. I will cast my anxieties on Him. I will live in communion with the saints.
“Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, rejoice. Let your reasonableness be known to everyone. The Lord is at hand; do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus” (Philippians 4:4-7).
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